wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
