So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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