dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
