Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
