I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am naked and annoyed.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
