Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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