i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
