her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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