Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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