hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
