According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
