i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
