I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
