Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
