where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
