You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
