yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
