So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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