You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
