So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
