Umm I'm too high to move.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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