Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
