hotel room ftw
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize