dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
