4 words: hood of his car
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
