please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
