First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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