I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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