living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
