it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
