sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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