no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
