She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
