dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize