you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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