$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize