New low: just hacked my moms facebook
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
