I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
