I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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