Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
