You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drunk is not a location!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
