I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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