I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
