we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
