yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
