I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
