dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
