I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
