Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
