Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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