im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
