Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
