I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
