Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
