They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
