all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
