he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
