my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
