were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
