A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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