I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
