I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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