And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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