Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
