Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
