why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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