Tell her she can't have a vagina
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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