would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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