she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
