Welp...herpes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize