just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize