Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
