I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Say something about gay babies.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
