He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize