this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize