is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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