we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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