Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
