im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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