Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
