coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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