Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
