Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
